Common Sense With A Spiritual Aspect On divorce! Part One.

by Brian Allen

I have seven parts to cover on the above title this is the first part:

It just seems so easy these days to get married and when it doesn’t work out for whatever reasons then just get a divorce.

Well yes in theory but it’s not as easy as that as you may or may not know. I guess because your reading this then you have your own reasons but let’s face it it’s not a good place to be in your life and will have huge knock on affects if you do not approach it all with a plan in hand.

Most things in life need planning and some more than others. Divorce is most definitely not to be taken likely but as I said if you have a plan then it’s a great start. If you don’t then either gets someone like a Life Coach to help you devise a strategy of how you want to proceed. This way you will ensure damage limitation on both your wallet and also something much more valuable …your emotions.

Personally I am not a religious person but I am very spiritual and the more I live the more I find that we all need to honour and respect each other as if we were dealing with our selves. Spiritualism simply brings us all together as individuals but also as one. Spirituality brings us together where religion separates and splits us up, a bit like divorce really. We must become mirrors of ourselves and expect to get back what we project outwards to others each and every day.

Divorce is an ending to what was once something very special, or should have been and in some cases maybe if it was not then maybe it was doomed from the start. But let’s assume it was something special for both of you and now it’s lost its magic and that you both want the divorce.

Ok then when it’s mutual then it’s as fine as it can be. This is the best scenario you can have in a divorce as you can then both work together in making it as painless as possible and hopefully with respect. If however only one of you truly wants the divorce and the other is just going along with it then you can expect a bumpy ride.

Sometime neither of you truly want the divorce but because the other has suggested it (or maybe some of your so-called friends have done so, more on this in part two) in one form or another usually through a heated row, then sometimes couples can push each other’s buttons just to test the others boundaries. This is very dangerous but on occasion can result in the divorce becoming very relevant and before you know it things have gone too far and it does end up in a divorce case. So my advice here is to dig deep and test that your marriage is truly over before calling in the lawyers.

Most of the time you are paying lawyers to do what you can actually do yourselves which is communicates on a respectful level. But if you approach it from a spiritual nature with lots of common sense and oodles of fair play then not only will it be better for you both but it will indeed leave you with less scars of the heart.

As I mentioned earlier if you can treat others as if you were dealing with yourself then you will never expect anyone to do or accept anything that you would not do or accept yourself. If you or your partner can not have this mutual respect then yes it will be messy and it will be painful so let’s assume for this next part that you have totally flipped the other side of the coin and your love you once had has now changed to hate on both sides. You are now both going out your own ways to hurt the other as much as possible. Let’s analyse this.

You cannot truly hate another unless you still love them.

There are only two true emotions in life, Love and Hate! You cannot experience one without the other; just the same as you cannot have up without down, left without right or east without west. They are the opposites which cannot exist without the other being relevant. Now that we have established this I suggest that you both pool your common sense and involve some professionals in the divorce field who can absolutely define what went wrong, what can be fixed, saved and work on to re-establish what was once worth marrying for. Nothing is truly broken and unfixable especially when there is love involved. Hate or Fear is just love that’s gone wrong its just love that’s gone in its extreme of the opposite end of the scale.

Most of the time being in touch with our own feelings, values and beliefs is what will carry us forward in life. Maybe your values and beliefs just need shuffling or even changing in some respects. These are issues you will never notice for yourself as such. It’s only a professional like a life coach or personal coach that will be able to pin point such things because we as humans have a built in justification system that allows us all to come up with the most inventive ideas as to why we do what we do.

Inventive and as logical as they might seem to you, they will not empower you to ever move on into the next part of your life. Divorce is un attaching you from what once was love.

You have entangled your emotions, feelings and thoughts with each other just like the roots of two plants entangle with each other underground. From the outside things look as if they are separate and not at all joined. But once you start to separate them it can have devastating results and even result in long term damage. So be careful who you employ as your gardener to separate such roots. So to end the first in my seven part letter I need you to take on board that being spiritual and using common sense in your approach to any important issues in life will always serve you well. But if we ever let emotion, temper and vengeance to rule your decisions then you are not only going to go from one disaster to another but you will not learn the lessons that life gives to us each and every day.
Regards,
Brian.