Simple Divorce Advice

Many people believe that the opposite of love is hate. Not true. The opposite of love is indifference, especially in the context of a bitter separation or divorce. If the thought of the other parent and all of the mean and nasty things that they have done to you or against you interferes with the way that the two of you raise your children, you need to lose the anger, or at least regroup and channel it proactively. By turning those feelings of loathing into feelings of indifference, you can rid yourself of a great deal of emotional wear and tear. Life is too short to go around full of bitterness. Childhoods are shorter. Before you know it, children will be adults.

It has been said that anger is often related to a real or perceived need to stand up for your worth, your needs, and your deepest sense of conviction. It may also stem from a sense of rejection.

In fact, anger is a label we give to a very hurtful emotional response. In divorce, more often than not, your sense of worth takes a beating. The reasons why you are angry and how you are conveying your feelings of anger are really important. Your quality of life is not good when you cling to anger. Even though expressing your emotions in the form of anger may feel good at the moment, it usually just makes things worse in the long run.

When we feel extremely pressured or too controlled, our natural desire is to want to recapture control. Therefore, it’s easy to see how divorce can lead to a long-term power struggle. This very naturally pulls you into an awful lot of frustrating circumstances; the net result is a compounding of anger. Prolonged anger will eat you alive from the inside out. Misery can become the norm. When children are involved, it is a recipe for chaos.

Inappropriately dealing with our feelings often fuels our anger.

Here are a dozen helpful tips to avoid adult temper tantrums:

1. Healthy food habits and lifestyle choices are important.

2. Crying can sometimes be helpful. Think of it as a cleansing.

3. Stop the anger triggering “self-talk.”

4. Exercise regularly, perhaps try yoga for body-mind balance and have regular intense workouts.

5. Humor and laughter are very healthy mood adjusters; maybe go to a comedy club.

6. Writing about your situation can help you focus.

7. Relaxation exercises can help.

8. Talk about your feelings, but do so with caution. Perhaps seek professional guidance from a counsellor or spiritual advisor.

9. Recreation is a good thing. Get involved in enjoyable activities.

Find new hobbies.

10. Sex can be a good stress reducer (even going solo can help).

11. Music can be very soothing.

12. Take time to rest or simply “chill.”

The truth is, you may never feel ready to forgive your ex; it’s simply up to you to decide it’s time to do so. Being angry hurts you, not the other person. When you forgive, you free yourself.

Borrowed from the widely acclaimed and award winning book, Stop Fighting over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations, with permission of the author, Mike Mastracci  See what the experts have to say about Stop Fighting Over the Kids  www.stopfightingoverthekids.com  and visit Mike’s Family Law Blog:  www.DivorceWithoutDishonor.com

Originally posted: Divorce Recovery Starts With Forgiveness or Indifference

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