Simple Divorce Advice

The good divorce, is there such a thing? I have heard of only a few cases of what I would describe as a good divorce. Where there is relatively little conflict, fast resolution of all legal dealings, no wrangling over children and a genuine desire to do the right thing by still working together for the sake of the children’s unit.

I have some friends, who after 10 years and 2 children decided to call it quits. The end of the marriage was not great as at the end of most marriages but it was once the decision was made to divorce that this couple showed their ability to put aside their personal grievances and deal with the practicalities and the future.

They met on a harbour beach, sat in the sun, drank take away coffee and settled everything between them in 3 hours. This is before either had hired a lawyer or received any sort of guidance from professional or personal advisers. They owned their separation as they owned their marriage and the mess it had become. They did not see the point in bringing in other people to divide what was theirs and make life easier for both of them.

It was through a sense of caring that they divided their assets, more to the person who earned less so that both could achieve a reasonably equal standard of living. They even moved to the same street in an area close to their children’s school where their kids merrily wandered between the homes without recrimination. The homes were close enough for forgotten homework to be easily picked up but not close enough that the adults could not have lives of their own, personal space was always maintained.

I used to watch these friends and the divorce they had constructed with awe and I still put them on a pedestal as genuine examples of how it can be done. The thing they really did was leave their marriage woes behind and work with the other’s strengths to build a new emotional and lifestyle structure for their children. I was not privy to the end of this marriage but I have the feeling that unlike many couples they did not hold onto a bad relationship past its use by date and build up more resentment and animosity than necessary.

I would have loved to be able to end my marriage this way but unfortunately we did not even have the skills to discuss our issues in a non-aggressive way when we were supposedly happy. How people learn these skills is beyond me, as our parents were rarely capable of open communication, we are not taught this in school so unless an individual stumbles across a reason to better communicate it is often too late by the time a marriage is in trouble.

The good divorce seems to come with a real desire to move forward, cause no more pain than necessary and a desire to work together to resolve issues quickly so a working relationship can be forged for the good of the family or to move on unscathed. The good divorce is the aim, the journey is realising it.

Lilly Kinsley writes for www.simpledivorceadvice.com as a divorce specialist she has contributed to both How To Deal With A Divorce And Get Through Everyday and How To Cope With Divorce – Tips To Minimise The Emotional Effects available on Kindle at Amazon.com

Originally posted: The Good Divorce – Myth Or Reality

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