Simple Divorce Advice

Parents can help kids deal with divorce if they can put their own emotional and financial situation to one side and concentrate on the needs of the children. Your life is changing and you may be scared, lonely, afraid or angry but you are in control of your actions and can decide what the next steps will be. Not so your children, they have been thrust into a situation not of their making with little to no say about the outcomes.

Here are a few important tips to for parents to make the divorce transition easier for your children:

1. Children must understand that they are not the cause of the break up. They have not done anything, could not have behaved any differently to change the outcome. The separation is an adult decision, Mom and Dad simply, for their own reasons, do not want to be married anymore.
2. Children should not be given false hope that the marriage could be saved. Mixed messages such as ‘I still love Mummy/Daddy’ send the wrong message and children do not understand why people who love each other should not be together. Tell your children the truth ‘I no longer love Mum/Dad in the way that you need to, to be married’
3. Children need their space to sort these issues out. Like all individuals, your children will take as long as they need, give them the space to do this. Let them formulate their questions and give them encouragement to ask them. What you understand about life, love and divorce is immeasurably more than your children and they will need some straight, honest talking to bring them up to speed in words they can understand and enough information for their childish minds.
4. Keep your children’s routine as stable as possible. There will undoubtedly be big changes to routines with visitation and different homes but if you can make these transitions as smooth as possible your children will benefit. Children like to know where they will be and when, so do not change arrangements piecemeal.  Decide on parenting arrangements and stick to them.
5. Children sometimes need to be told the same thing in different ways or many times for them to really get it. Be ready for this and do not get upset when you are challenged on issues, just keep telling them the truth without blame or accusations. Using explanations and platitudes to illustrate what you are trying to say, some children find it easier to understand complex issues in a child context.

Help your kids deal with divorce, starting with the above. Your children can cope with your divorce better if you are prepared to do some hard work to separate your emotional issues from your childrens.

Excerpt from: What Parents Can Do To Help Kids Deal With Divorce

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