Divorce & Selling the Children’s Home.

Divorce & Selling the Children’s Home. Do not shove the children into the corner with the idea you are protecting them from the horrors of divorce. You are NOT. In fact, consider yourself a member of Fantasy Land if you subscribe to this belief.

Children aren’t stupid. If anything, they are brilliant when it comes to noticing and feeling even the slightest shift in the home atmosphere. I strongly recommend you do the following:

“Kids, come in here and let’s talk. Okay now, Mom and Dad (you WILL do this as a couple) have had to make an extremely difficult decision. You know we haven’t been getting along for quite a while now. You know, don’t you?

Your Mom/Dad, Dad/Mom has tried to work out our differences but it just hasn’t worked, so we have decided to divorce (or live apart). We both love you and want to ASSURE you that our problems have nothing to do with you. And, we do not want to hide anything from you because you are smart, intelligent, and deserve to know exactly what is happening. We do not want to keep secrets from you.”

The children will start asking questions at this point (after some crying); one will certainly be about the home. Assuming you are going to sell the home, turn the conversation into something positive and reassuring. Tell them you will be inviting a realtor (specialist I hope!) over soon and you would like for them to be with you and ask questions.

It is the fear of the unknown that can create the greatest fears. I suggest those fears can/will be minimized by including the children in as much of the home sale process as possible. Being at the meeting can also accomplish other things. The divorce realtor can explain the process of readying the home for sale, helping them understand why: the house has to be kept straightened up; their toys put away; dirty clothes put in the hamper; bath towels kept off the floor; and on and on. They won’t think you are just ragging on them to clean up their rooms, instead they know the reason behind the request. This will help reduce the stress level that is already high in the home.

Fighting and Arguing. Wouldn’t it be so perfect if mom and dad could just admit the marriage didn’t work out, a divorce is the only answer, and talk out an agreement. If only that could happen. The reality is that EMOTIONS are involved; one party usually feeling hurt, humiliated, and used more than their spouse. They want to strike out and hurt them—severely.

What I am getting to is this……how and where are the couples going to fight? I’m willing to be that 8 times out of 10 these shouting matches will occur within earshot of the children. And the children will never forget a single word you say, nor the tone you used. Never. My parents divorced in 1960 and I can recount every single detail about things I saw and heard, including where they were standing in the room. Think about it. Hate each other; dislike each other all you want. But save the children.

Money, the root of all evil I believe is the phrase. I don’t think so, I think it is the love of money. Love so strong that a person will destroy everything around them to get as much of it as possible. They will even destroy their children. Maybe not on purpose; but, the results will be the same.

Let’s now combine money and arguing and the children. For instance, there is a meaningless lawn ornament and both of you decide it should be yours in the settlement. Neither one of you really care about the thing, until you find out the spouse has it on their list. It’s the principle of the thing! So you go to your respective attorneys. Being conservative, let’s say each attorney is $500/hr. They spend an hour on the lawn ornament thing. There goes $1000 for a $20 item. That sets the tone for almost everything else the two of you own, right up to the point that attorney fees are reaching $15,000; $25,000; $60,000. EACH!

That is $30,000 to $120,000 spent on ‘principle’ that takes away from your children’s future. Gone like the wind to strangers. I call that selfish. But, somewhere in all this fighting each of you will claim that you are doing this for the kids. I hope you don’t walk by any mirrors after saying this because they will surely crack and shatter.

If you are going to say you have the children’s best interests (mental & financial) at heart, mean it from your hearts.

Every $10,000 spent on an attorney is $20,000 less to spend on college. By including the children in the process, it is guaranteed to cut the attorney fees; and lessen the negative impact on the children.

Momma will always be Momma to them. Daddy will always be Daddy.

By Randy Morrow, CREDS, CRS, GRI, Former Marine.

Professional Realtor/Owner/Alc Member, Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist

Keller Williams Realty-Arlington, Serving Clients With Sensitivity, Dignity, And Fairness.

Http://www.Randymorrow.Info