Child Support Issues

child support issues Child support should not be measured in dollars alone. Child support, in its truest sense, encompasses not only monetary support but the right and obligation of a parent to support their child morally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Under “the law,” child support and visitation are separate issues, but in practice they are often intertwined. If a non-custodial parent, usually the dad, is not being permitted to see his children, he is far less likely to fulfill his monetary child support obligations. When moms are not getting the financial support that they are entitled to under the law, there is often a temptation to withhold visitation or otherwise use the children to punish the non-compliant obligor.
It is no secret that child support is predominately based on the income of both parents. But there are other factors considered in the calculation of child support: the residential schedule of the children, health insurance payments, before- or after-school care, day- care, private schooling, extraordinary medical expenses, and even transportation costs for visitation in some cases.
Over my many years of interacting with men who feel that their child support obligations are unfair, oppressive, or unwarranted, I have become convinced that those parents who constantly scheme, plot, and plan on how they will hide their true income not only cheat their children but they also do themselves a great disservice.
When parents go out of their way to impoverish themselves, if not in fact, then at least on paper, for purposes of minimizing child support payments, they often fail to realize or care how much it costs to raise a child. Their children may be deprived of many material things and,unfortunately, that often does not seem to matter. Similarly, opportunities for their children to participate in some activities or events are also compromised when parents do not pay what they should in monetary support. This particular segment of disgruntled parents views child support as an undeserved windfall to their ex and nothing else.

The effort and energy that some people spend attempting to avoid or lessen their child support responsibilities is astonishing. Those who are really serious about not contributing to the custodial parent’s financial resources often choose to live in their parents’ basement, shack up with roommates, or live in tents before they will pay what they are supposed to pay in child support. This shirking of parental responsibility is often not out of a lack of love for the children, but it is directly attributable to the hatred or ill will still harbored toward the other parent.

Regardless of the actual dollar amount mandated by child support “guidelines,” there are some basic dos and don’ts that can be helpful in easing the financial tensions that so often spill over into custody and visitation disputes.

Child Support Dos
• Financially support your children.
• Keep financial matters and all other parenting issues as separate as possible.
• Be realistic in your assessment of how much it costs to raise children.
• Accept the fact that if you are the one paying child support, the law does not impose any duty upon the recipient to account for the money actually spent directly on the children.
• Purchase items for the children (including clothing) for the times that your children are with you. Child support payments are not necessarily intended to cover child-related expenses when the children are with you.
• Spend child support wisely, as it is intended for the use, benefit, and expenses associated with raising children, not as your extra “fun” money.

Child Support Don’ts

• Don’t make the payment of support, or anything else related to money or property, contingent on child access.
• Don’t ask for receipts or an accounting of how child support is spent.
• Don’t discuss child support or adult-to-adult financial matters with your children.
• Don’t tell your children that they cannot do or have things because the other parent does not pay sufficient support, even if it is true.
• Don’t discuss child support or disputed adult financial matters in front of your children.

Count the Cost
Sadly, parents will often spend several months or even years worth of child support money, which could otherwise be spent directly for the benefit of their children, just fighting over who should have to pay what amount in child support and child-related expenses (reimbursement for medical bills not covered by insurance, school clothes and supplies, and expenses for extracurricular activities for the children). It makes no sense, especially if these types of disputes are handled through lawyers. Regardless of monetary considerations, children need the love, warmth, and positive guidance of both parents, and anything that is said or done to diminish those basic needs is costly — in more than dollars alone. When it comes down to the almighty dollar, whose children would you rather put through college, your own, or your attorney’s?

Borrowed from the widely acclaimed and award winning book, Stop Fighting over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations, with permission of the author, Mike Mastracci See what the experts have to say about Stop Fighting Over the Kids www.stopfightingoverthekids.com and visit Mike’s Family Law Blog: www.DivorceWithoutDishonor.com