Simple Divorce Advice

By Randy Morrow

Many years ago, after my second divorce, I sat myself down and said “I can’t do this anymore, it hurts too much”. I did not decide to never marry again; instead, I realized that before I would marry again I need to find some answers as to why my two marriages failed.

Divorce was never in my future. I was going to meet a great girl; have children; hold a steady job until retirement; enjoy the grandkids. You know, just have a great life. Little did I know how stormy my path was about to become.

Getting back to my decision to find the answers to my failed marriages, I began by closing my eyes and just started reliving my life. Slowly, I started seeing some things, things I didn’t like. My father was a good man, but it was his way or else with a temper to match. I was a mild-tempered sort with no way to fight back.

My entire four years of high school was spent with a football coach who, if you weren’t one of his favorites (I wasn’t), yelled at you constantly but never praised you. In those days, talking back to a coach would have gotten you suspended from school.

I married a girl when I was much too young; but you know how it is….you fall in love. We stayed married for 12 years, ten of which were pure misery. Her temper was legendary, no words or phrases were taboo. I tried to fight back, but it was like a BB gun against a bazooka.

A couple or three years after our divorce, I married again. She didn’t fight verbally, she would just go off and sleep with someone. This lasted for five years. It was after this marriage I sat down and had probably the most important conversation with myself in my entire life. Important because it changed the course of my life—for the better.

I realized there was one true common thread throughout my entire life….ME. I had a part in every one of these events. My father, I was there. My coach, I was there. Both marriages. Yes, there I was. I could not deny myself.

Now I had to ask myself “What am I doing”? The answer eventually became pretty simple. I was surrounding myself with the same person over and over and over. They were all quick-tempered. All had the ‘my way or no way’ attitude. All were quick to jump if I did something wrong, very sparse with praise. Why was I doing this? Getting the answer to this question seemed to be the answer for me.

And then, it hit me. Because this was the type of behavior I was used to being around. It was ‘COMFORTABLE’ for me!! I was the common thread and ‘comfortable’ was the answer to my question as to why I kept getting into the same kinds of relationships. I was comfortable with uncomfortable.

Next came the second most important decision of my life; but, the hardest: What was I going to do about it? I had the answer now, and if I didn’t take it further I would surely be in miserable relationships the rest of my life. Verbatim, here is what I said, “I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend five more minutes with someone who doesn’t want to be with me”.

I began using this information and this decision to start making changes in myself. I made conscious decisions to ‘disinvite’ people from my life if it appeared they were not going to enhance my life, rather than suck life from me. It was hard at times. But, the result was a change for the better in the quality of my life. I started noticing that I was surrounded by happier people; that as my attitude changed for the better, so did the people around me.

I worked at this for twenty years (I was pretty screwed up!!). I was determined not to allow anyone into my life until I was sure that I could a) make the right decision; and b) truly like myself. The result is that I remarried three years ago to a woman who spoils me rotten; doesn’t have a bad bone in her being; and never has anything bad to say about anyone.

Believe me, the twenty year wait was worth every minute of it because I got it right this time, only because I looked for the common thread.

Randy Morrow….

Professional Realtor/Owner/Alc Member, Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist

Keller Williams Realty-Arlington, Serving Clients With Sensitivity, Dignity, And Fairness.

Http://Randymorrow.Info

Http://Arlingtonrealestateguide.Com

Http://Novapropertydivorce.Com

Excerpt from: Find The Common Thread In My Divorce Story

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