Divorce and Journaling: Write Your Way out of Pain – Part 2

By Evana Henri, Ph.D

While there are many different methods of journaling, I believe the simpler the better. I encourage you to pick up a notebook and just write for 10-15 minutes. The only rule is that you write as fast as you can until the time is up. You do not stop to think about what you are going to write next. You do not stop to cross out a misspelled word, add a missing comma, or restructure a sentence. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are completely irrelevant in this context. If you get stuck, just write “I don’t know what to write” over and over until something comes up for you to write about. Without getting caught up in the technicalities of writing or the need to follow a logical line of thinking, people frequently are surprised by what comes out of their journaling.

I give the same writing instruction to my grief/loss journaling support group. After writing, group members can choose to share what they have written with the group. The rest of the group then gives encouraging and constructive feedback to the person. It is one of the most healing experiences I have ever witnessed. One participant said this about the group: “I feel I have learned a lot about myself and that you never walk alone as many people feel they do when grieving.” Another said, “I like the openness that we have all achieved. It helps so much to see that others not only have their own pain—but are willing to share yours. It’s the support of the leader, the individual members, and the corporate-ness of the group that have meant the most to me.”

For people who prefer more structure in their journaling, the following guidelines may be useful. First, you write down the topic you want to write about (e.g., my divorce) in the center of a page and circle the topic. Then, you set the timer for 5 minutes. During this time, write down other words/short phrases that are associated with your topic. Draw a circle around each new idea. Connect circles to either the original circle or each other.

Pretty soon, you will have a page filled with connecting circles. This technique is known as “brainstorming” or “clustering” and is designed to activate ideas associated with the original topic.

Next, set the timer for 10 minutes. During this time, you will be writing about the same topic that you just brainstormed on. Without referring to the page with all the circles, write how you feel about this topic non-stop until the time is up. Try to use words like “I feel” or “I felt”. After completing the writing, you may want to copy the following affirmation several times: “It is good for me to express my feelings.” This is especially helpful if expressing your feelings is new for you.

Finally, write for another 10 minutes on the same topic. This time try to focus on any insights and lessons learned. Use words like “I recognize”, “I realize”, “I understand”, etc. After completing the writing, you may want to copy the following affirmation several times: “It is good for me to have better understanding about (my topic).”

If possible, complete these three steps daily. After going through the process with one topic, you can stay with the same topic or move on to something else. It is entirely up to you. Regardless of which journaling method you use, explore and find something that works well for you. It may feel like a lot of work in the beginning if you are not in the habit of keeping a journal; it may feel very painful to face your thoughts and emotions. Just be patient with yourself and with the process. It will get better and be worth the effort.

Read Part 1, Divorce and Journaling: Write Your Way out of Pain

Read Part 3, Frequently asked questions

Evana Henri, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical/health psychologist specializing in mind-body wellness. She has over 15 years of clinical experience including advance trainings with medical patients, older adults, and caregivers. Evana uses a combination of different therapeutic approaches to help her clients work through trauma and major life transitions such as divorce, death of a loved one, and abuse in order to restore wholeness and balance in their lives. These research-based treatment approaches include Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), Brainspotting, Solution-Focused Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (MBCT), and the HeartMath method of stress management. Based on each client’s unique circumstance, strengths, and preferences, Evana helps him/her design a personalized treatment plan; the emphasis is on empowering the client and teaching him/her skills that can be used for life. Evana periodically conducts a popular grief/loss journaling support group and is available for giving presentations and consultations on mental health and overall wellness issues.

Evana received a B.A. with honors in Psychology from Stanford University and Ph.D. in Clinical/Health Psychology from Ohio State University. She also completed a hospital-based internship and a post-doctoral fellowship at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) Medical Center and the Neuropsychiatric Institute.

Clinical/Health Psychologist
2101 Ken Pratt Blvd. Suite 200
Longmont, CO 80501
720-771-9248
evanahenri@accessyoureverest.com
www.accessyoureverest.com