Simple Divorce Advice

Separation, divorce, and child custody battles are “mind fields” of stress and anxiety. Prolonged and unnecessary fighting may affect your overall quality of life more than you realize.

It can be overwhelming. Worse yet, it all trickles down to your children, especially during the crazy times.

It has been said that fear is the mother of all emotions. The fight or flight syndrome is simply a part of humanity that dates back to caveman days, an animal-like response that drives our behavior in times of perceived vulnerability. Life during an acrimonious child custody battle produces the same chronic heightened state of alertness, helplessness, and fear of the unknown. The feelings are just as real as those experienced in immediate life-threatening situations.

Without going into a science lesson or mental health dissertation, suffice it to say that stress, fear, and anxiety are more than just unpleasant experiences. These feelings can and do cause physical and mental problems. No one is immune. When entrenched in parental warfare, you are physically and mentally at your worst. It affects your quality of life and the lives of everyone around you, especially your children.

Be aware that:

• The mind is a powerful weapon, and it can lead us to self-destruction.
• The mind’s effects on the body can take its toll without our conscious awareness.
• Long-term aggravation, with no end in sight, is unhealthy.
• Prolonged stress, the constant up and down feelings, the false alarms, and the recurring “what’s next?” thoughts can lead to dramatic and uncontrollable physical and psychological consequences.
• A custody battle is unpredictable.

When we talk about enhancing the capacity to prevent and resolve conflict, we need to include organizational skills in the conversation.

Dispute-resolution experts spend a lot of time talking about how important it is for parties to learn how to think outside the box. However, it is difficult to do without first having a box and knowing what is in it. So, for many clients, the starting point is getting organized enough to know what you are facing by doing a reality check. Making it a priority to organize your life will ease the transition and help you sustain higher levels of productivity and enjoyment over the long term.

The first step to healing is to “turn the corner.” Accept the fact that there is no reconciliation on the horizon, no getting back together. Make it your choice (even if it was not at the outset) to put the past relationship behind you. Turn the corner and get on with your business — the business of parenting.

I promise you that at this precise moment next year, your life will be better or worse than it is right now. It will not be the same; the choice to improve it or let it decay is wholly and undeniably yours.

Borrowed from the widely acclaimed and award winning book, Stop Fighting over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations, with permission of the author, Mike Mastracci  See what the experts have to say about Stop Fighting Over the Kids  www.stopfightingoverthekids.com  and visit Mike’s Family Law Blog:  www.DivorceWithoutDishonor.com

View original post: Divorce and Emotions – Dealing With The Unknown

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