Simple Divorce Advice

It’s Friday morning, January 24th, 2003 and this is the first and last of a beautiful winter morning for twelve weeks. Each Friday has been either rain, sleet, snow or a combination of the three since the beginning of the year and will continue to be until mid-March. On December 26th, I sat down with my oldest son, who is 30 years old and my youngest son who is 21 years old to find a date to move and this was the date that looked the best. God has honored this date, though it is cold, it is not unbearable and my furnishings are not in the rain or snow.
I have been up since 5:00 a.m. and awake most of the night. Two nights ago I made love with my husband knowing it was the last time. Last night I laid beside him for the last time – did I sleep, not much. My husband rises at 4:00 a.m. each morning to leave for work about 4:30 – he gets off from work at 1:00 o’clock in the afternoon. I have an 8 hour window to move everything. As soon as I heard his truck pull away from the house I was up and dressed. My son’s friends are to be here at 6:30 or 7:00 to start loading a truck which has been at my new house since last night. As soon as I am dressed and have labeled the furnishings I will go over and get the truck. My best friend has been at the new house throughout the night waiting to help me today. As soon as I was dressed I labeled everything that was going to be put on the truck with a pink post-it note – if it isn’t labeled it doesn’t go – if it has a label – “put it on the truck”. Time is of the essence. We must be out of here as quickly as possible.
The county sheriff’s office has been notified of what is happening here by me and the domestic violence office for the county. I have been talking with the domestic violence people since last fall. They are patrolling my house I am moving from and are patrolling the street I am moving to and will continue to do so throughout the weekend.
It is now 11:00 a.m. and the 29- foot moving van is loaded with all I have selected to take from my family home along with my dog in the front seat and her doghouse in the back of the truck. I am in the driver’s seat and pulling away from the house. I look back at the home wherein I raised my children, took care of my elderly parents until my father’s death in 1994 and my mother’s recent death – just 5 weeks ago. I tell myself not to look back but to look forward – forward to a new life, a life to build without fear of physical and/or mental abuse. I am 52 years old and starting all over again. Am I scared? Yes, I know I am in for a tough time – a time of being aggravated by my husband who I have asked to leave me alone but who I know is not going to do so. I have left a 5 page letter stating why I am leaving – trying to make him understand – of course I have been trying to make him understand and trying to get through to him for 15 years I don’t know why I think this would be any different but we will see.
The truck jerks as I am pulling it up the hill – thank goodness it has an automatic transmission. The friends of my son and my best friend in her vehicle are either in front of me or following me and we are on our way. The tears fill my eyes and I try my best to make myself understand this. I hurt – hurt so deeply I can’t even explain it and I am so angry that it has come to this – I am so angry at him when it could have been prevented – could have been different —but it never is – it is never different.

This was me nine years ago – I was fortunate to get out safe and was able to remain safe. It was a difficult go for awhile, some family and friends did not understand and new relationships had to be built and old relationships rebuilt. Needless to say, it was Super Bowl weekend and I spoiled the Super Bowl that year.
I now have a new life, a life of inner peace and have learned that I am important and to love myself. The best way to love your children and care for them is to take care of yourself and keep yourself safe so that you can keep them safe.
If you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse – please seek help from your area domestic violence service organization and/or local police. There is a NEW LIFE out there.
Victoria L. Morgan is a juvenile and domestic relations court mediator certified through the Supreme Court of Virginia. She is a domestic violence survivor and actively works with domestic violence organizations in her area to assist the victims in beginning a new life without fear. She is also a Parenting Class instructor for the Commonwealth of Virginia. Victoria L. Morgan is a juvenile and domestic relations court mediator certified through the Supreme Court of Virginia. She is a domestic violence survivor and actively works with domestic violence organizations in her area to assist the victims in beginning a new life without fear. She is also a Parenting Class instructor for the Commonwealth of Virginia.

Excerpt from: Departure – Domestic Violence and Divorce

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