At on 12 Feb 2010, E Valentine wrote:
Why? Because I grew up in a household with an abusive alcoholic father, with no money, little hope, and on the at-risk register. A vicar, amongst others, ultimately advised my mother to leave him. So not only am I determined to rise above previous poverty and anguish, I am rather bemused by the concept of marriage being the answer to social ills. Both coming from divorced parents, we really fail to see the point.
I have had my own journey exploring the reasons for and against. For a period, I entered competitions to win weddings (education, living costs, house deposit, and paying my student loan back is expensive). It was a frivolity, but I figured the family might like it. Don’t you think that the fact that you can win one trivialises them?. But I realised that I don’t really want it or need it. We are not religious and don’t need a piece of paper. A sense of relief came over us; we felt that we had freed ourselves from what was rather a burden.
We do not see what difference marriage, as it is today, truly makes. Maybe we would get a certificate if the financial benefits prove worthwhile, but it would just be a piece of paper; just like the wills, life insurance policies, pension policies and so on. It won’t be changing our reasons or beliefs, just our tax bills. I wouldn’t change my name or wear a ring. Marriage in its traditional sense would make me feel caged rather than giving me a sense of belonging and purpose. We have decided that we live together and that our lives are together. Our relationship has lasted longer than any of our peers and we are in a far stronger position due to our hard work and forward thinking. I wish to retain my identity, and my sense of belonging as it is.
As part of my research I have been tracking adverts in Picture Post during the war years to the 70s. Housewife after housewife beams up at me in scenes of domestic bliss, whilst being advised to drink egg-flips in the mid morning to “boost” themselves (it would appear that there has always been a crutch-culture (drinking/smoking)). Marriage is not a part of my life. I have chosen, and considered my choice. Does that make it a bad one? I would argue the opposite.
