Simple Divorce Advice

By Lilly Kingsley

Marriages get so bad that people decide it would be better to separate because one or both cannot take the tenure of the relationship anymore.

And then what happens in so many cases is it just keeps getting worse causing all sorts of new and damaging issues. We now have new syndromes caused by divorce such as parental alienation, is this one or both of the parents fault , the fact  that they have not had help resolving issues or simply that the parent in question is disliked  by their child for whatever reason?

We here in Sydney were all late to work as a father held a one man demonstration on the top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge. He parasailed up a pylon and unfurled two big banners calling for help for our children, it was quite a feat that one man could stop a city for two hours with traffic in all directions coming to a practical standstill. He eventually came down and was charged with some relatively small charges such as interfering with traffic.

The below is taken from a Sydney Morning Herald article by on the event

“Discharged from the army – friends say he served in Iraq – his marriage has broken down and his three children are in their mother’s custody. He last saw them almost 70 days ago, soon after a home owned by him was engulfed by fire. His estranged wife and one young daughter were sleeping inside. Both escaped the blaze.

Mr. Fox, who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, has unsuccessfully tried to reach his children and blames police and welfare authorities for his predicament. Mr. Fox also allegedly witnessed the murder of his friend Neil Green, sergeant-at-arms of the Riverstone Nomads chapter, a year ago. He is a key  witness in the April 2010 death, over which a 32-year-old Girraween man and his father have been charged.

As he was granted bail yesterday, Mr. Fox was told to stay away from the bridge and ordered not to disrupt  the free flow of traffic and people. ”That’s a given, your honour,” he responded.

But he thought it was ”disgusting” when he was told not to contact his children. ”Are you serious?” he asked. He is due to face court on an unrelated matter this month, and next month over yesterday’s protest.”

With the post-traumatic stress aside what happens to relationships that they become so bad these new syndromes and actions are taken? How do relations breakdown so dramatically that social services are brought in the first place? Why do people in this day and age not have the tools, both emotional and practical to work out suitable ways to end relationships and learn to work together for the betterment of the children and each other?

Mr. Fox is unusual in that he acted out, but it is not unusual that ex partners are making each other miserable for years if they have children and do not ever get over the hurt and humiliation they feel for the end of their marriages. This is the area where help is desperately needed, immediately after the separation, help with understanding why the relationship broke down, help with understanding how to move on, and help to stop blaming everyone else for the way things turned out.

If we could help separating couples early with these issues then they may stand a chance to work together and co parent without animosity and escalating feeling that then get related to their children causing more difficulties.

Photo Cameron Spencer

View original: What Is Going On With Divorce? Support Is Not Getting To Those Who Need It.

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