Simple Divorce Advice

I can’t help myself. I love the Twilight Series. My daughter and I went last night to Eclipse.
I am still coming to terms with the fact that I find these young men appealing. I mean, I have sons this age and haven’t up until now thought of anyone my children’s age as being even slightly attractive.

It may be the fact that Edward is actually 109 years old that makes it OK. The things I like about the whole Twilight story is the way the couples treat each other.

Every Twilight couple puts their partner first, in the movie the director has them always gravitating toward each other. It is not just Bella and Edward it is all the vampire couples and especially the wolf couples. Stephenie Meyer has a real insight into a loving relationship. I wonder if it is that she has experience of this sort of relationship or it is just wishful thinking.

The wolves do this strange ‘imprint’ thing onto the person that becomes their reason for being. They will then do anything, be anything for that person. It is selfless love.

I’m not a marriage expert but have a very real understanding of the reasons marriages don’t last and the mistakes people make in relationships. I have never had anyone come to me and say we had a wonderful relationship where we always wanted the best for each other and went out of our way to make the other one feel happy.

Most people come to me and say ‘he/she didn’t…… or if she/he had……’ You fill in the blanks. In other words most every person who I see feels their ex partner should have tried harder to make them happy.

It seems to me that it is a real tit for tat thing when marriages start to go awry. People seem to start to hold back, expect certain behavior and demand support. When the other partner also starts to do this there is separation at a real base level and the relationship is changed from selfless to selfish.

Of course, there is also the expectation of marriage that most everyone brings with them. Most people really only know how their parents behaved toward each other and choose the bits of that marriage that suit them to copy in their own marriage.

Of course, you never really know what other peoples marriages are like even if you are a child of that marriage. Even when your parents seem happy it doesn’t mean they necessarily are. People settle for lives for many reasons. Couples may have given up their dreams to have children or because they needed to work and have made the most of things for their own reasons.

Life is different now and most of us expect more from our marriages. Women and men are no longer afraid to be alone, divorce is not a social disgrace and people expect that if they do marry it must be special and rewarding.

Do we now expect too much from marriage?

I believe that people get married too often without discussing their expectations. And that is a fundamental mistake.

I mean, if you have two people with two different ideas of how a relationship works there is going to be trouble.

Well it is really back to being selfless rather than selfish, for example leaving your socks on the floor when you know your partner will pick them up is not selfless, it is just being selfish.

I doubt the Cullens ever have these sorts of issues, being selfless means not doing anything to upset your partner when it is unnecessary. So, as far as socks go you just wouldn’t do it.

Tony Robbins speaks about this a lot in his work with couples. I am not a Robbins devotee but appreciate a lot of what he says as I have come to the same conclusions.

I hope I have this right, Robbins believes that if you just keep giving selflessly then you will leave the way open for your partner to also be secure enough to be giving. It is in the building of this trust between you that a really wonderful marriage can ensue.

I definitely believe this in theory. It is my Libran brain that keeps going to the what if’s.

What if you become the giver and do not get anything back or worse yet what if your partner just keeps taking and you become responsible even more for their happiness. It could be difficult getting back to square one let alone leaving if you have been doing this for some time.

The answer, of course, is communication. Relationships just can’t be happy, really happy without openly being able to express ones feelings without being afraid they will not be taken seriously or the thought of being talked around to your spouse’s point of view.

I always find this interesting, that people do not just respect the feelings of others and their points of view. Everyone reaches their own points of view through their own experiences, in my business, it is amazing how many people need to look at why they think the way they do and realize that many of the reasons are not relevant to their lives today.

Back to Twilight and the extraordinarily lovely relationships these people have.

In my view it is Romeo and Juliet for Generation Y. There have always been great love stories and this is another, it is just a bit more outrageous when a vampire and a werewolf go up against each other for the love a mere human girl.

If you don’t know the Twilight series and have not bothered to check them out because you think it is some young girls fad, well all the movies are rated M or more, then take a look as a lesson in how a writer, screen writer and director see loving couples behave toward each other. Might give you some ideas.

Source: Twilight – Marriage, Romance and Divorce

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