Simple Divorce Advice

When you first go through a separation or divorce you can find yourself at a very loose end on Saturday or Sunday mornings when for the first time in a long time you are alone.

The absence of spouse or children feels really foreign and loneliness can descend pretty quickly which leaves you with two choices.

1. Embrace the sad lonely feelings, stay in bed and feel sorry for yourself
Or
2. Get up early put on your walking clothes and go and enjoy the morning like thousands of other single people.

Being alone is not a disaster. It is time to be with yourself, think about things without interruption, plan your life and learn to enjoy being you.

There are places you probably haven’t found yet that seem to be the perfect Weekend hangouts for singles. I don’t mean pick up places, I mean coffee shops and bistros that singles just seem to congregate at on weekends, probably because they feel comfortable in the company of other singles all enjoying themselves in the same way.

There is a row of coffee shops and restaurants near to where I live and these all pretty much sell the same breakfast but they seem to cater for different crowds. There is one that seems to be family friendly and the rest, well, they are full of single people eating, reading the paper and relaxing in the sun.

These people are not young, they all look as if they have had at least one divorce. It is such a pleasure to walk into a café like this one, people acknowledge you, say good morning and then leave you alone to read and eat.

Being part of a crowd does not necessarily mean knowing the crowd, it is great to belong to a crowd of strangers who all seem to enjoy doing the same thing in the same moment.

The reason I say the folk in my café are divorced is if a couple come in with children the whole room will look and there is a communal sigh. It is as though as a group they are saying ‘we are on a non child morning and want to enjoy it, please go away’.

It is really quite funny to watch. I have got to know a few of them over the years and so far have been right in my assessment of their lives. They have learnt to really enjoy and appreciate their time alone, spent with others in some sort of divorce solidarity for a few hours each week.

As a newly separated or divorced person find your own weekend rituals which will bring you in touch with others who do not make you feel lonely.

If you live in a family area where every café is full of families then get in your car and drive to another area, where you can find what you are looking for.

Another thing which helps people get over their feelings of loneliness and something many of my clients have found helpful during a divorce is to give to those who could really need some helping. If you find yourself at a loose end go volunteer in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter or read to people in hospital, etc.

Don’t join a group from your social community. You need to be with people who do not know your history but want you for yourself and what you have to give.

Divorce can be really lonely but with a little push you can find yourself taking great pleasure in being alone and being yourself.

View original post: Rituals for Divorce – Sunday Morning

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