Simple Divorce Advice

When there is no governing court order or agreement in place, parental scheduling issues can be all consuming. There is often a heightened feeling of helplessness that exacerbates all related issues and concerns. In most cases, the worst time for custody chaos is shortly after the initial separation. The problems of the past are overshadowed by the current practical and emotional difficulties associated with adapting to dramatic and life-altering changes. The need for self-preservation and the protection of the well-being of one’s children, along with huge financial adjustments, can be significant stressors.

During a breakup, emotions are high; feelings of anger, resentment, and other unpleasant emotions are thrown into the mix. A great uneasiness may loom about. The future is uncertain, and the “fear” (false evidence appearing real) — whether genuine, imagined, or exaggerated — can be overwhelming. There are often threats, tactical innuendoes, and power struggles whirling about. In the midst of such quagmires of turmoil there are impressionable children caught in the middle of ongoing child access disputes and doused in never-ending loyalty conflicts.

If there are regular and continued child-related arguments centered on phrases like the ones to follow, you just might be in for some tough times ahead.

• There is no “agreement” — so take it or leave it.
• It’s not your scheduled time.
• They are planning on moving —
• They are planning on moving — what are my rights?
• I don’t care if you made plans with our son, you shouldn’t have.
• I’m not letting you have her until a judge tells me that I have to.
• I’m calling the police.
• I have to beg just to spend time with my child.
• Unless you sign this paper, or do this, or agree not to do that… you’re not getting him.
• You can’t tell me where to take my child or who she can be around.
• You were late bringing him to me; so I will be keeping him longer and to hell with your plans.
• What about a right of first refusal? You don’t need a sitter; I am available and I want to spend the time with our children while you are out.
• I never get notified about school functions, report cards, or
• my child’s medical appointments.
• No one ever returns my phone calls.
• He is always bad-mouthing me in front of the children.
• None of the things that I buy for my child ever get returned.
• I don’t have the health insurance information.
• We disagree on the doctors and the way medical issues should be dealt with.
• No one provides me with anything!
• My vacation time was supposed to start this weekend and she won’t let me take her.
• We have to take turns going on our son’s field trips because we cannot get along well enough to ride on the same bus.
• We do not agree on our child’s sports involvement or extracurricular activities.
• We don’t agree on childcare providers.
• We have different views on education and religious upbringing.
• She ignores me.
• He tries to intimidate me.
• She is using our child as a weapon.
• He uses the children to spy on me.
• She tells the children to lie.
• His girlfriend keeps sticking her nose in our business.
• We don’t agree about holidays.
• Why do I have to do all of the driving?
• Basically, we disagree about everything.

If any of these issues resonate with you, then you probably do not need to see illustrative case examples. You know what the problems look and feel like. Only a superior parent can do what needs to be done to bring about positive change in these situations. Will you rise to the challenges that lie ahead or will you surrender to a life of chaos for you and your children?

Borrowed from the widely acclaimed and award winning book, Stop Fighting over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations, with permission of the author, Mike Mastracci  See what the experts have to say about Stop Fighting Over the Kids  www.stopfightingoverthekids.com  and visit Mike’s Family Law Blog:  www.DivorceWithoutDishonor.com

Source: Parental Schedules – What Do They Mean?

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