Simple Divorce Advice

By Micki McWade

As a sufferer from feelings of doom or FEAR as I went through my divorce, I learned that I could respond one of two ways to those feelings. Let them take me down by thinking about all the negative things that could happen, OR, focus intentionally on what’s going right. Once I realized that it was up to me to choose my focus and manage my state of mind, I felt less like a victim and more in control. We choose the thoughts we chew on, spend time with and play over and over. When you become aware that you are choosing a negative focus, get out of it as soon as possible. Pick up a supportive book, play some up tempo music, go outside, exercise, call a friend and ask how he or she is doing. Get out of yourself.

Here are two excerpts for Surviving a Breakup, Separation or Divorce which are doom-relievers:

One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what’s right about it and build on that. —Norman Vincent Peale

Enthusiasm is both attractive and contagious. There’s usually something good in any situation, if we look for it. Not seeing any good is a sign that we are depressed, which is part of the separation process, particularly if we didn’t decide to leave the relationship and would still like it to exist. Feeling sad and blue is a normal response to not having what we want.

When we want to change our state, however, gratitude is the antidote. We can choose to be grateful for one or for many things, and once we do this we feel our mood begin to lighten and become more hopeful. Maybe things aren’t as bad as we thought. Maybe blessings are being granted in the midst of the difficulty that we hadn’t noticed until now.AFFIRMATION: Today I will write a list of all the things I’m grateful for. The more I practice this, the more I’ll realize the positive aspects of my life.

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I walk in gratitude today.

If we’re having a bad day, we may resist this idea, but let’s suspend our resistance and try it. Let’s be grateful for everything with which we come in contact.

Let’s look around. Right now, in this moment, are we okay? Are we better than we were a while ago? Is there food in the refrigerator? Do we sleep on a bed?

As we go outside today, do we see a blue sky, or cloud formations or feel the rain on our faces? Is there the lively energy of a city around us or the serenity of the countryside? Are there trees and birds or other animals around? Do we have a job and make a living? Do we have children to be proud of? Do we have skills? How about friends who support us?

When we have this focus, joy comes. Try it–all day. AFFIRMATION: Today I will be grateful for everyone and everything I meet.

Micki McWade, LMSW
mickimcwade.com

Source: Meditations on Divorce – To Get You Through Day By Day

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