Simple Divorce Advice

By Hally Rhiannon-Nammu

When we find ourselves in a position we must start over it can be extremely daunting and leave us feeling helpless and frustrated. Whether we have been there once or a dozen times starting over does not get easier because of the emotional attachment involved in putting us there in the first place. Often we are in a place where we are wounded, in need of healing and support and the last thought on our mind is to now pick up whatever pieces are left to move forward.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. The emotional investment we have given may seem bleak in those initial stages of starting over however, once that first step is taken the next one does gain momentum.

Previously we have looked at “finding yourself” which is very much about who you are as a person outside of the relationship, outside of the marriage and consequential divorce. This person can be lost during these initial stages and when starting over it is helpful to take time to re-introduce yourself to the person you are today.

Secondly, it is setting your expectations for the future. Whilst we all would like “the perfect relationship” there is not one relationship that does not have its ups and downs and requires an effort of work and commitment. When you are starting over this is probably the last thing you want to think of. However, if it crosses your mind in the thought of taking on a rebound relationship, be kind to yourself as well as realistic about what you are prepared to invest into that relationship and what you are investing into yourself during that time.

Most of all when starting over dealing with the mass amount of hurt, emotion, the complications of assets, families, children it is easy to put yourself last on the list. Remember that you are the one that is being depended upon by your children and your family, though supportive, are depending on you to pull through. All of this can seem like added pressure on top of what you are currently experiencing.

I like to use the marathon analogy with starting over. A marathon cannot be run in one step and it takes time to train and be fit for a long run. Every marathon no matter how long must first start with one step and then another step and then another step. You cannot race ahead of these steps because you will trip over your own feet. Like when you are starting over allow yourself the time, the space to heal and learn to accept yourself again as a complete person.

We become so dependent on the other person there that it is easy to forget that once you were a complete person, confident and capable. That person is still there waiting for you to open the door and take a step through.

Starting over may not be easy but once you are on the other side it can look a thousand times better than it does right now.

Hally Rhiannon-Nammu
Power Life Coach / Spiritual Healer of Creative Balance
International Author / Speaker
(www.creativebalance.com.au)

See original: Starting Life After Divorce – The First Step Find Yourself

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