Simple Divorce Advice

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By Janis Spindel
No two breakups are ever the same; different lives, different circumstances, different types of relationships. Clearly, if you were married young and grew apart your breakup is going to be vastly different than a 3 year relationship. Never compare your relationship or its ending to anyone you know. I can guarantee you that you’re breakup will be totally different and unique in its own way.

Now that we’ve got that straightened out, it is time to take control. Take control both of yourself and of the life that will, surprisingly, continue after your split. Hear me when I say it takes time to heal. Drama comes with the territory…cry as much as you want. The reason, whether it was cheating, lack of time together, or a halt in your sex life, who cares?Take as little or as much time as you need (and I don’t mean a week). Focusing on yourself is the only thing that will lift you back up to where you were.

Ladies, there is nothing worse than obsessing over your ex! It is unattractive to other men and quite annoying to your friends and family.Going through a divorce is in a category of its own. Depending on how long you were together for, letting go can be the most difficult task aside from going through with the divorce itself. These tips go for you as well, though. The time after a breakup is all about you.

Rather than patting yourself on the back for just getting out of bed in the morning, smack yourself in the face for thinking you’re the only person who has ever gone through a breakup. Then look at yourself in the mirror. Do you need a haircut, a new wardrobe, a ride on the elliptical? I’m not saying that the reason he left you is because you let yourself go…or maybe it is? Either way I’m letting you know that without taking care of yourself there is more of a chance of slipping into a depression. Once again, don’t feel ashamed if this breakup has hurt you so badly that you need professional help. Get over it, it is what it is, life goes on, move on with your life.

A move that women often make after their painful split is going out and dating someone new right away. WRONG. Men don’t leave for an empty bed…women are smarter!! Respect yourself and that other person enough to realize that they will absolutely just be a band aid for your fresh wound. You willobviously only use them to help you heal: physically, mentally, or emotionally. Wake up! Nobody, especially men, enjoys being someone’s shoulder to cry on…about a past relationship. Trust me they would rather be any other body part for you.

Basically what most women lose in a breakup is their confidence. Don’t be worried, you will find it again. It is going to take time and effort to find, but in the end you will be a happier person for allowing yourself to go through this process. Remind yourself that this breakup does not mean you have to break down.

Janis Spindel

President of Matchmaking

212-987-1582

www.janisspindelmatchmaker.com

Excerpt from: Break Ups, Not Break Downs

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