Simple Divorce Advice

Are you a helicopter parent or a free-range parent? If you do lean toward one kind of parenting then you should watch out when you become a single parent as you may not be doing your kids any favors. I love the term, helicopter parent; you can literally see this parent hovering over the child never letting them chance anything. The latest on these sorts of parents is that they are bringing up a generation of scared individuals; these kids are scared of strangers, travel, doing something wrong, eating the wrong foods, saying the wrong things. What sort of society members will they be and worse what sort of parents will they make? Then you have the other new talked about parent, the free-ranger, I don’t know about you but this was the way I was raised. We rode our bikes on footpath (sidewalks) without helmets, we played in bush (forests) without supervision and we even built tree houses without knowing what the hell we were doing. Yes, things were much simpler back then but my parents let us go out fall down, make mistakes and come home and get fixed up. When we were kids we caught the train and bus to school from junior school age as did every other kid. The thing is we were totally capable of doing this. We were trusted to get to school on time and to make our travel connections which we did. OK, times have changed, and every stranger is a potential threat, but children haven’t changed yet their childhoods have been minimized somehow. When people are divorcing or have been divorced there can be a tendency to treat their children differently. This change in parenting can come from many places, guilt, anger, resentment, happiness, relief, etc. If you have suddenly become the gift giving parent then maybe you should spend an entire weekend not doing anything except being with your child, no presents, movies or other entertainment just you and the kids hanging out, cooking meals and being together. There is nothing wrong with giving your kids presents if you can afford them, and it is not to one up the other parent or try to buy your children, but beware it can become a habit and you will effectively created a relationship based on this kind of behavior. Parenting is hard at the best of times and it is difficult to know what to do in the situations that may arise where you have little or no knowledge of the right way to proceed. If at all possible, ask for your ex’s guidance and support in parenting. You both may have issues with each other but you are the two people who love your children the most, or should, and know your children best, or should. Children need parents to give them guidance so they can be ready to face society as a productive, confident adult. This is your job as a parent. If you find yourself fitting into either the helicopter or free-range parenting styles reassess your motives and reel yourself in. Your children will benefit from it.

Excerpt from: Helicopter Parenting in Divorce

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