My work as a divorce coach and planner is to help people with all the practical parts of the separation and divorce including looking at past behavior so as not to repeat and make the same mistakes again.
The thing I do not do as a coach is work as a therapist does with feelings and past hurts that need to come out. With coaching the client observes the past and analyses their behavior but does not necessarily go back and visit the feelings from that time.
Our feelings are what makes us do what we do whether it be buy a car or a dress or have a fight. It is all about how we will feel in our new car, dress and even in the fight or after it. We use logic to justify the action, such as, this car has great brakes or this dress is on sale or he/she really needs to know blah blah. But it is the feeling that really controls the action, the feeling of how you will look in the new car, the way heads will turn when you wear the new dress and the release of feelings when you tell him/her what you are thinking.
Understanding and accepting your feelings is the only way to move forward. If you don’t acknowledge these hurts you can find yourself avoiding them and being stuck in an endless cycle of avoidance of yourself and then all the growth you may want to do will be only on the surface.
It is not easy to be alone with your feelings but it is the ultimate ‘being in the moment’. Next time you eat, drink, clean, watch TV, turn on music, phone someone, etc because you start feeling something you don’t like stop and observe.
Remember you can only dislike the feelings from past experiences so that means you have already lived through them and survived, the problem is you have brought them with you.
If you need help with your feelings and getting in touch with them then for goodness sake find an expert to help you. Choose carefully and it is OK not to like a therapist if you don’t click.
Read the original: DON’T LET YOUR FEELINGS KEEP YOU STUCK.
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Awareness of the present is an excellent practice, but so often terribly difficult. I loved your bit “Remember you can only dislike the feelings from past experiences so that means you have already lived through them and survived, the problem is you have brought them with you.” So true. We don’t have to live through them over and over, yet we often do. In fact not only do we relive these events in our thoughts, we dwell on them. We can’t control our thoughts, but we can stop thoughts that aren’t doing us any good. We can observe and stop the “dwelling” on such thoughts that harm us.