Simple Divorce Advice

BY ANTONIA RAGOZZINO, AUTHOR, TAKING OUT THE TRASH

You are just about to step out of court to embark on your new journey as a divorcee. The first thing you think of is, “Wow, I was married; now how do I date?” Although it is a very difficult transition, it can be fun and exciting to get to know new people if you know what you are doing. Many assumptions are probably made because the last time you dated you were a young naive adult. Things have definitely changed since then.

I would like to share with you all of the things my single friends and I did while dating right after divorce. Luckily, I made all the mistakes, failed miserably and now I want to share them with you to save you some of the antics I dealt with. Join me now on my series of articles on what not to presume and what not to do as a divorcee trying to date in this ever changing world.

Tip #1 Do NOT Bash Your Ex

Bashing your ex is simply a sign that you are not over the divorce. Although you want to bash your spouse so badly because he or she wronged you, the poor person sitting on the other side of the table wants to get to know you and have a good time. Bashing is a sign that you may not be ready to move on. Also, your date might think that if they do something wrong you are capable of bashing them.

It is definitely fine to acknowledge your divorce and simply state that you have learned from it and that you are excited to move forward. This shows that you have grown from the experience, you are not willing to air out your dirty laundry at this time and you are looking forward to a nice date.

Tip #2 The Do’s & Don’ts of Giving It Up On The First Date

I know what you are thinking, “I’m an adult, I shared the same bed with someone for years, how do I go back to make out sessions?” I hear you. It is an awkward transition to go back to the days of the “bases”. You probably think to yourself,” I was a spouse for goodness sake, how do I go back to fooling around at “Inspiration Point” like when I was a kid?” Seriously, this is a touchy subject. You are a strong adult, who has been through enough. You are capable of making your own decisions and your sexuality is your own. If you choose to go right for the gusto on the first date, that is your choice, but do not assume this definitely means you will ever speak to your date again. You may, but you also may not.

Granted, we have major sexual needs as an adult compared to when we first started dating. Some feel, “I do not “get it” often, so I better take advantage of tonight.” Others consider,” I don’t have time at my age for the courting garbage, if we sleep together we can just jump start our relationship and pass all the gobbledygook.” Either way is your choice. If you can deal with the possibility that the next day you may not get a second date and you are fine with it, then great. If not, you will be hurt and feel very vulnerable.

If you really want to see where things go, take the old “take it slow” approach. It cannot hurt either one of you. If you are continually seeing each other, you will get there and it will be worth the wait. You will feel amazing, secure and on to the next step of your journey together instead of feeling exposed, vulnerable and used.

These two tips should get you started on some casual, fun dates with some very exciting new people. Divorce takes a major mental and physical toll on us. I encourage getting out there and meeting new people, but focus on you first. Tell your date about you. How exciting you are, how smart you are and learn more about your date, as well. Do not get bogged down on negative conversations about your past. I quote this line from HBO’s Sex and The City all the time, “You can’t have a future with your past still present.” Also, marriage gets us in a rut, sexually sometimes. Remember the intrigue when you dated before you got married. Bring that back again. You were with the same person for what felt like hundreds of years, no need to reveal everything on night one. Keep the curiosity and excitement alive.

Now, take these tips, get out of court and step into the wonderful world of dating, you can do it! As I state in my book, Taking Out The Trash, “I was completely oblivious as to how to act as a single adult.” So learn from me. Take my trash and make it your treasure!

Stay tuned for more tips in my series of Divorce Dating Do’s & Don’ts

Antonia Ragozzino, Author
Taking Out The Trash
Email: author@takingoutthetrashbook.com
Website: www.takingoutthetrash.com
Follow me on Twitter: @TakingOutTrash

View original: Divorce Dating Do’s & Don’ts – I Was A Spouse Now What Do I Do?

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