Divorce and Money

Money is one of the main reasons that marriages break up. If this is the case with you recognize that money was already causing stress.

Do not doubt that you will need to pay some money to separate legally, get a divorce, financial settlement and children agreement; how much you pay is entirely up to BOTH of you.

Money is not the culprit in divorce – bad behavior from emotional in turmoil is. Fear and anger can make the money spent on the divorce a second issue.

Some people can sit down calmly and agree to a settlement they are both happy with. These are the couples that can use the online documentation available, support each other through the transition and get on with their lives. Cost is minimal with basically only the documents and stamping by the court to pay for.

Then there are the massive cases that end up in court costing tens of thousands a day. The choice is yours however it should be noted that most people cannot afford to go to court, it is money they need for their new life and should without a doubt explore every avenue available before they go to court.

The End Of The Marriage – Start Of The Legal Negotiation

You are no longer in the same relationship you were in when you were married. The same rules do not apply. Accept this and start to be strategic and smart about the situation you are in. Put your feelings to one side and look at the situation rationally and logically. You are now in a legal negotiation with a person that is dealing with their own issues.

A successful negotiation starts with both parties being willing to negotiate. This is really important to remember in divorce, you cannot negotiate with someone unwilling or not yet ready. You may need to give your spouse a little time and space to get their head around the situation, in the long run this may result in a better outcome than have them make decisions when their feelings are really raw. It may be that you need a bit of space before commencing the legal negotiation, simply send your spouse a letter explaining the situation and ask for a little time. A successful negotiation is when both of you can rationally put your differences on the table and work out an agreement.

Christopher W. Moore, Ph.D. says ‘Negotiation requires participants to identify issues about which they differ, educate each other about their needs and interests, generate possible settlement options and bargain over the terms of the final agreement. Successful negotiations generally result in some kind of exchange or promise being made by the negotiators to each other. The exchange may be tangible (such as money, a commitment of time or a particular behavior) or intangible (such as an agreement to change an attitude or expectation, or make an apology).’

Before you go into this negotiation get all the financial figures you can so that you are well aware what there is and how much things cost to maintain. The children issues are often intertwined with financial issues as the person that gets the children will probably get more of the marital property and ongoing maintenance. So remember this in your negotiations, if you want more access you may have to be willing to give more in some other way. You must choose your priorities and stick to them.

Really think about what is most important to you and where you are willing to give. Having you priorities sorted will ultimately keep you on track.

Budgeting In The World Of Divorce

Budgeting for the divorce is a really sensible thing to do. Expenses can go through the roof if there are now two households to maintain and two lots of solicitor’s bills to cover on the same income as you had as a one household family. If money was a stress before then it will be a bigger stress now.

If it is possible to do this as a combined effort between you and your spouse, then you can both get a good idea of the expenses that need to be covered until a settlement is reached.

Planning the way to pay for the added expenses will give you both a focus to stay within the budget and keep expenses down. It is people with little understanding of expenses that get out of control.

You may need a credit report and a good accountant to sit down with to work out where the money will come from to finance the divorce.

If You’re Smart You Won’t Forget To Include-:

Income
• Salary
• Bonuses
• Return on investments
• Other

Expenses
• Mortgage payments and/or rent
• Electricity, gas, water and other
• Phone costs, fixed and mobile
• Council Taxes or rates
• Insurance (life, car, house, etc)
• Pension or retirement contributions
• Saving plans
• Any loan repayments (car, personal loans)
• Credit card payments
• Car (servicing, petrol, taxes, etc)
• Television or satellite expenses
• Travel costs
• Clothing, including hair, makeup, etc
• Medical expenses, including medicines, doctors, etc
• Food and household expenses
• Entertainment
• Holidays
• Child care
• Pet care (food, vet bills)
• Presents (birthday, Christmas, etc)
• Anything else

Simply subtract the expenses from the income to get what should be your budget. If you find you are out either with a surplus or deficit that is not normal go back and work out where the error occurred. This is your regular budget. Now add in the extras that divorce will cost:

• Solicitors Costs
• Accountant Costs
• Therapist, coach, etc
• Child expert, etc
• Other

These costs must be met and now is a good time to work out how they will be met. It is up to you, however, some people will take a further mortgage on their home or take a combined personal loan to cover costs and keep down stress levels.

If at all possible discuss with your spouse how you can both finance your divorce and the budget needed before a final settlement is reached.

Lawyer Issues – Don’t Get Left In The Dark

Since divorce is a legal issue you will at some stage have to get yourself a solicitor even if you and your spouse have worked through all the issues and decided on a financial settlement. A lawyer will need to make sure that everything is legal and you are protected in the future. A specialist family lawyer will know the in’s and out’s of divorce settlements so you should always go for the specialist.

To make your settlement legal it must be stamped by the court, even internet divorces are documents that then go to court for stamping. You need to pay for this.

A solicitor is the only person qualified to do your legal work and advise you properly on legal issues. Laws change constantly and really it is only the family law professionals that keep up with these.

It is the solicitors job to tell you all your legal options and rights, they can open themselves up to trouble if they do not. It is up to you to act on these options. Remember that divorce is now a legal negotiation and your solicitor will tell you best case and worse case scenarios, if they do not ask for them, then realize you will probably have to settle for something in the middle. Your spouse will have their own solicitor telling them the same scenarios.

Is A Good Family Lawyer Easy To Find?

When choosing a lawyer keep in mind solicitors are people who do their job in their own particular way. It is their approach to the law, their line of attack and their personality you are hiring as much as their knowledge of the law. This is your divorce and you must be in charge of it. A solicitor is there to advise and act on your behalf not to run the show.

There are a number of ways to find a solicitor to suit your needs. Of course, the first thing is to work out what you are looking for in a lawyer. Some of the things to list out are, do you want a male or female or either? Does age matter? Do you want a fighter or someone who will work to settle? Do you think a collaborative lawyer would be appropriate? Is money an issue? If so, do you need someone who will work for a flat fee and be paid at settlement?

Ask your friends and associates if they can give you a referral to a lawyer they have used, have faith in and thought did an excellent job. Also ask them if they think the lawyer was weak in any area. Take note of any weaknesses so you can manage these if they come up.

If you know lawyers from other fields of the law you have confidence in ask them for a referral to a family law solicitor. Be honest about your situation as the lawyer they refer you to may need to be a specialist in a certain field of family law depending on your individual case.

If you do not know anyone to get a referral from try your local law associations to get a list of local solicitors. Choose carefully here and ask for references.

When you have the initial meeting, remember that you are hiring him/her; that you will be in charge and that all decisions good or bad are your responsibility. Ask all the questions you need to comprehend how the lawyer works and understand if you will be able to comfortably work with them. Another person to check out in the lawyers office is the secretary or personal assistant as you will be having a great deal to do with them.

How Did We End Up Owing So Much

There can be as much debt as there is assets in a divorce settlement so you really need to have a full understanding of all your debts, and the extra debts you are accumulating while going through your divorce. All these will need to be settled before any division of money can come your way.

You may be unaware of all your debts which is not uncommon; there are usually debts that people are unaware of, or at least the added amount of all the debts which will need to dealt with.

The easiest way to get an understanding of all your debts is to get a credit report which depending on where you live and what you need will contain the following:

1. Your Personal details, such as, name, address, date of birth, gender, drivers license number, social security number and employment information.

2. Your Trade Lines. These are lenders reports on each account you have with individual lenders. This includes the type of account (mortgage, credit card, auto loan, etc), the date you first established the loan, the loan amount or credit limit, the payment history and the current account balance.

3. Your Credit Inquiries. These are the details of when you have applied for a loan. This part of the report contains a list of all the lenders who have taken a look at your credit report. You will see two type of lender here. Voluntary inquiries are lenders that you have made a request of credit to and involuntary inquiries which are lenders who take a look at your credit report to offer you pre-approved credit offers.

4. Public Record and Collection. This is the information and information from state and county courts including any overdue amounts owing to debt collection agencies. Also included is all information that is on the public record including bankruptcies, foreclosures, judgments, law suits, etc.

How Do I Work Out What Is An Asset?

You should be aware that it doesn’t matter who’s name is on accounts or titles of assets or who paid for them, if they were obtained in the marriage and are seen as a marital assets then they are available to be split.

What is included as your divorce assets depends on the divorce laws of individual states or country. This is something to discuss with your lawyer.

Some of the Common Assets that will go into the calculation:

• House
• Furniture and other household goods
• Cars and other automobiles
• Bank accounts
• Cash
• Investment real estate
• Investment accounts
• Boats, caravans and other
• Retirement plans or superannuation
• Life Insurance policies
• Stocks and Shares
• Businesses
• Tax Refunds
• Collectibles
• Memberships and season tickets
• Frequent Flyer miles
• Other assets not mentioned

Getting a handle on the exact amount of money your combined assets are worth will give you a ball park figure to start a negotiating from.

Mine, Yours And Ours – What’s What?

This is a question for your lawyer, as to the laws in your area.

What is meant by Separate property?

Here are some examples of commonly held separate property:
• Property owned prior to the marriage
• Inheritance, that is kept separate, even if inherited in the marriage
• Gifts received, from anyone including the spouse
• Personal injury insurance or awards
• Property purchased with separate property

It is important to note that property that started out as separate property may not be considered separate any longer but is now considered marital property. This happens when separate property is joined to marital property and becomes part of the marital property. For instance, you may use an inheritance to pay off the marital home or you may both share the marital home even if it was once separate. There are many variables associated with marital and separate property and only your solicitor can properly advise you on this.

If You Are Not Sure About Child Support – You Better Get Educated

Child support or maintenance is your duty to your children’s ongoing care. They are your children and need you to be there for them unconditionally. Children are not pawns to trade or place value on. If you do not have the access to your children that you would like then instead of making your relationship worse by holding back child support or whining when you do have them show them what a true role model and caring parent is.

You divorce your spouse not your children. Your children need to be looked after at this time with tenderness and kindness as their world has also been rocked.

The parent who is not the day to day carer of the children pays maintenance to the parent who is, in most cases. Do not make things worse by holding out on your children or using them to get more than is necessary.