Simple Divorce Advice

Are you going to let Technology control you or are you going to control Technology? Our society may be so immersed in our enticing technological devices that we have become unaware of how we are acting or communicating to others.

This article is based on the studies of MIT professor Sherry Turkle that has done research on how technology is affecting children and adults.  Her most recent book, entitled “Alone Together” states that people who choose to devote most of their time connecting online are more “isolated”.   This isolation is leading to lives that are “emotionally disconnected, mentally fatigued and anxious.”

Next time you are at a restaurant, coffee shop or even driving, look and see what the people are doing.  They’re probably listening to their phones or texting even though they’re with other people.  That’s basically what’s happening in our society. People are in their own little world, together with other people.  This appears to be causing the public to become emotionally disconnected.

So what is happening is “we the people” are more comfortable and connected online and therefore this is straining our personal relationships and causing people to become distant from one another and lonely.

People wonder why there is an increase in instability in family’s and marriages are becoming obsolete (USA Today; “Divorce declining, but so is Marriage” by Sharon Jayson; 7/18/05).  Maybe the public needs to look at how they are coping with the advances in technology.

Look at the funny commercials on television.  There’s one commercial with a beautiful couple, sitting down and eating in a romantic restaurant.  The man yells out, “oh yeah, oh yeah.”  The women responds to him by saying, “You’re not watching the game on your phone are you?”  The man, denies it, and then repeats his “oh yeah,” because he is watching the game with the phone on his lap.  So here you have our society.  A beautiful couple, out on the town and television is “promoting” this scenario.  Virtually “no communication.”  What do you think of that?  Interesting.  They are even making it funny.  I don’t know about you but I don’t think that man was going to get any “sugar” that night, if you know what I mean.

You’re probably saying I don’t have a problem coping with technology.  It doesn’t affect my life.  I’m a psychotherapist and say that everyday.  Especially yesterday when I had that Bluetooth in my ear and missed my turn off for my office or when my son says get off the phone.

This brings me to the subject of MULTITASKING. Yes, we humans have been doing this before the comic strip Dagwood.  Remember, he’s reading the paper and Blondie is talking to him, he’s semi listening, the old fashion husband.  Well, now we are so detached that there is a picture of theCampbellfamily in an article in the New York Times, June 6. 2010, where the couple are both typing on their Ipads.  Neither one is talking or looking at the other.

A recent study at Stanford states that multitasking not only can changes how people think and behave but it also gives you a squirt of “dopamine.”  Researches say this can become addictive and in its absence, people feel bored.

Gloria Mark a professor at theUniversityofCaliforniastates it’s likeLas Vegasslot machines where you’re receiving rewards at random intervals.  Which, if you’ve ever been to Vegas, you know it’s difficult to quit. The first step is to recognize and know why you are doing it.

Some other techniques to cope are:

1. Check emails 2-3 x a day, at a set time

2.  No technology at Meals/when with family or out with friends

3. When out with nature; no technology

4.  Make it a habit: unplug at set times a few minutes at 1^st/replace with something low tech

5.  Focus on 1 task

Charles Dickens said, “Electric Communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true.”

Jill Robin Payne MA, BCPC, LPC

Certified Relationship Specialist

http://www.Positive-Solutions.us

“Counseling for individuals, groups both private and business”

© 2011 Jill Robin Payne, MA, LPC, BCPC, CRS.

Source: You Wonder Why Marriage Is Almost Obsolete

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