The expression all’s fair in love and war doesn’t really make sense if you want to divorce with some dignity to move forward in your life. Learn to be a better divorcee, not a bitter one. Your children, your friends, and your health will be affected by your negativity so make it as positive as possible. You will feel better at the end of the process. You will notice some of my rules are based on one of my favourite books.
1. Remember, you loved this person enough to marry them. Try to be nice even though you think how much you dislike them now.
2. You decide, daily, how you will go through this process. Find something positive each day and focus on that.
3. Try not to gossip about your divorce or your ex-to-be.
4. This is your process, not someone else’s.
5. Divorce with dignity on all levels.
6. Try not to buy into hurtful statements about your ex-to-be, their family or friends.
7. Never Never Never, get your children in the middle of the divorce. They didn’t ask for this and have their own set of issues about both of you.
8. Play fair, which means sometimes you lose.
9. Say you are sorry when you hurt someone.
10. Clean up your own mess. Don’t leave unpaid bills for your ex-to be, scandals in the community, or ill children.
11. You are probably going to share everything, so don’t waste inordinate amounts of time or money fighting over a broken coffee pot.
12. Be aware of what you learn about yourself. Notice the strength & courage you have. It may surprise you.
13. Be aware of everyone around you. Listen to what is being said and what is not being said also.
14. Be open to suggestions, it is not a decision, it is a suggestion.
15. Trust yourself and your instincts.
16. Don’t jump into another relationship. You need to process your emotions.
17. Learn to be alone. It is OK to be alone. It doesn’t mean you are lonely. It means you are alone. By choice.
18. You have the answers inside yourself. Don’t look to others for your answers.
19. Expect to grieve. You have lost something that was very important to you at some point. It’s OK to be sad, angry, scared, mad or elated. Whatever you are feeling today may change tomorrow. It’s OK.
20. Make a decision every day that you will be happy. Even if it is only for an hour today, next day go for longer. But you get to decide how you are each day. It is OK to be happy.
Peggy Spiro, ABR, GRI, CRS, Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist, Certified Distressed Property Expert has been a Realtor for 18 years, in New York & Colorado. She started working 9 years ago with divorcing couples to add expertise and compassion to the real estate process. Having gone through her own divorce while buying a new home, she realized there was a large gap in the care she was getting. You can contact
Peggy at: Peggy@PeggySpiro.com or visit her website at www.PeggySpiro.com
Read the original: The Rules Of Divorce
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