Simple Divorce Advice

Happy Holidays or Bah Humbug.  You choose.   Either way, the holidays are here, front and center.  It’s a time for family, fun and traditions.

Even the thought of happy holidays can be painful when going through a divorce or separation, no matter what side of the fence you’re on.  Emotions run high, feelings run deep and it’s not just you that’s involved.   Divorce is a family affair. Everyone has opinions about what you should or shouldn’t do, what should or shouldn’t happen, and of course with your best interest in mind.  It can feel like you’re on a roller coaster ride that you didn’t choose to get on in the first place, and now that you’re on it, there seems to be no way off.

I am an eternal optimist, annoying at times, no doubt. I always try to see what good can be squeezed from any situation, no matter how small.

Ingrid Holyoke
It’s a New Day Coaching
iholyoke@aol.com
PH: 207-356-7848

There are some things you can do to make your holidays a little better. I’m not promising a smooth ride but I am offering a little peace of mind and the joy that comes with that.

1. Take back your power. We have a tendency to think it’s the other guy that controls our happiness or misery. The good news is, it’s you.  It can feel like you are at the wrong end of decisions that are being made for you.  Your true power lies in the fact that you can choose how you react, good or bad. Your thoughts drive your emotions, which in turn drive your actions, especially your reactions. That’s where you can end up with regret. When you are allowing the other person to push your buttons you are giving away your power. Take it back. You don’t have to be on auto pilot .When something blindsides you, allow yourself to step back and take time to think, breathe and weigh your options before you react. Nothing says you have to decide anything on the spot. Find that calm place within yourself and give yourself permission to act, not react, when you are ready. Then your decisions will come from a place of strength, not weakness.
2. Feel grateful. Some days that might seem next to impossible .This is where that “squeezing the good from any situation” might come in handy. Sometimes the good in a situation is hard to find, but it’s there if we look for it.  It may come in the form of a lesson learned, which in itself is a gift. If you could find at least 3 things that you are grateful for, no matter how big or small, on a daily basis, it will change your life. It will allow you to focus on the good in your life and feel some of that joy we are all so desperately seeking to find.
3. Show kindness. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes, we all make them. Every day the sun comes up we get an opportunity to do better.  Be kind to your kids. Don’t say negative things about the other parent in front of your children.  As tempting as it can be, that parent is still a part of who they are. Your children will thank you for that some day.

The holidays will be come and go before you know it. If at the end of the day you can look in the mirror and see someone that has tried their best and come through to the other side with dignity and respect, the feeling of peace in your heart will be the very best gift of all.

See original: Happy Holidays or Bah Humbug

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