Divorce Dating Do’s & Don’ts - Summer Heat

Divorce Dating Do’s & Don’ts - Summer Heat I W as a Spouse, N ow What Do I Do?

By Antonia Ragozzino, Author, Taking Out The Trash

Well we are into the heat of the summer and I hope things have been heating up for your dating life. Hopefully you have been reading my Divorce Dating Do’s and Don’t’s and sizzling up some summer fun.

Everyone feels great in the summer, fresh air, vitamin D and the sweet smell of barbeques and beaches. However, the reality is, divorced folks might have kids, obligations and some leftover fear holding you back from having some fun. Don’t let these obligations dictate your summer or your balance. The truth is, we all have obligations. It is called “life” so don’t use these excuses to avoid summer fun!

Divorce Dating Tip: DON ’T Mistake Your Date For Your Therapist

It is finally the time to sit across the table from a person and start getting to know each other. It’s hard to strike up conversation, especially when the only conversation you have had in twenty years is sarcastic, ball-breaking comments about chores and who is taking out the trash! It has been awhile since you had to talk about yourself, your interests and it sometimes feels like you are on a sexually charged job interview. You are finally in the company of another human being of the opposite sex, instead of your couch, so you may be more than eager and excited to talk.

I guarantee you just want to jump into a discussion about life. Wrong! Keep it light, keep it fun and keep it interesting. I have had bloggers look to me for advice because their dates were saying things like “I am a mess”, or “I have so much baggage.” Well, then my response would be, “Why did he ask you out?” Stay home then! They are clearly not ready. However it they are ready; they just might want to unload their feelings. If you ever find yourself wanting to pull up a therapy couch to the dinner table and tell your dates all of your trials and tribulations then I am here to tell you to save it for your therapist! Your date did not sign up to hear all about your fears, dreams, baggage, vulnerability, inner child etc. It is a turn off. We don’t want to counsel, we want sex!

Divorce Dating Tip: Do NOT Appear Unable to Handle Daily Challenges in Life

It has been a long time since you have had any sense of balance in your life. Balance means me time, work, family, and yes even love. I am not encouraging you to fall in love too quickly after divorce. Quite frankly it would take an act of God to get me to an altar again. But that does not mean dating has to be eliminated because you are too busy in the summer. We are ALL busy. We are adults now. You seem to revert back to the last time you were single when you get divorced. But the last time we were single, we were probably a lot younger. Life at this age is different than the last time you were single. There is no time for sitting in front of the TV every night, making out all night at “Inspiration Point”, being with each other constantly because we have evolved into professionals, parents and balanced individuals.

When dating, do not get nervous that you will not have time for a relationship. It’s the biggest fear adult singles have. Take it one day at a time. What is a relationship after divorce? Your guess is as good as mine. You need to redefine it to fit into your balanced life. A relationship can be whatever you want it to be. Just take it one day at a time, let it unfold and do not start ranting about how busy you are. I have had friends of mine tell me that every time they were on a date, their partner would rattle off all of their obligations for the week and over emphasize the fact that they were so busy they could not commit. That is a turn off. Don not rattle off your mundane life because it sounds like you just cannot cope. The truth is, if you want to make time for having fun and dating you will. But squawking about your Franklin Covey task list just sounds so annoying. Quite frankly, we all have just as many tasks to check off.

While a man is rattling off the things he has to do all week, I am usually rolling my eyes across the table thinking of all of mine. I just want to welcome this weakling to the wonderful world of life. Make your own rules, your own schedule and enjoy dating because you fit it in your life, and it is enhancing you.

Give yourself a break. Make sometime for a date and reinvent the term dating on both your terms. After divorce we are lucky enough to get ourselves out there and explore again. Do not dismiss it before it even starts. We all need balance.

Stay tuned for more tips in my series of Divorce Dating Do’s & Don’ts

Antonia Ragozzino, Author

Taking Out The Trash

Email: author@takingoutthetrashbook.com

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